50

I’m 50. My son a teenager. There is stuff to deal with emotionally in my current state that I am trying to figure out. There was a time when I used to jokingly refer to myself with a mid life crisis, but I don’t think that is much a joke any longer. The midlife crisis is here and it’s not fun. I had a huge amount of identity wrapped up in myself as a father, for better or worse. But, now in his teenager state, he needs me much less than he used to. In reality that is a good thing. In practice, his pull away has been very hard for me to deal with. Some day I don’t handle it very well and get down.

I struggle with lonliness issues too at my age. Cultivating new strong adult relationships that are deep to me has been hard. I struggle with wondering, if I just disappeared, how long would it take for anyone to know? Could be months, if you look outside of work and immediate family. So how do I define myself going forward? It’s a search for this right now and I’m open to ideas.

#loniliness #fifty #whatsnext